August 16. 2013
Friday
6:12PM
Doesn't everyone?
But sometimes, on usual occasions, i feel like im the only one who feels this way.
Feeling like the people i know just don't care enough for me and my problems are just too big
and too many.
And so i blame the world for not caring enough.
And i blame the world for my heart aching problems too.
When deep down, i know it's not the world's fault.
But my own.
Sometimes when im all alone in my room and my heart aches so badly that i don't feel like talking to a single soul, i conclude that no one will ever understand what it is like to be me or understand how i feel.
And you want to know a deep secret?
Sometimes i feel like im right.
But, sometimes I have good days too.
Days where the sun seems to laugh along with me and the stars aren't my only friends in the world.
Days where every thing, sound, smell, and even taste seems perfectly amazing.
From the sun to the moonrise, everything is just too beautiful it's almost impossible to soak it all in.
And despite all the so called "problems" washed up from the day before, they cease to exist on days like this.
They run away from fear of happiness and never look back.
Until your good day is gone.
And the world is your enemy again, no longer your friend.
And then your heart yearns desperately, yet again, for that good day to return.
It yearns for it, like one yearns for a heart warming memory, distant, but still in reach, to return.
It longs for your problems to crash back into the ocean, but never wash back to the shore.
It aches for the sun to dance in the dusty light of an empty room, or chase the swishing clouds in the baby sky.
And then you ask yourself and beg from any willing ears to listen, what on earth you can give or do to keep this addicting happiness in your heart and never let it out.
You ask if there is a real cage to trap this yellow day within the lonely chambers of your blue heart.
And most would never know if there truly was.
Most would shake their head and leave you lost and desperate once again.
But then, at the end of all hope
At the bottom of the bottom
At the darkest part of the night
And in the emptiest of rooms
There is hope knocking on the door.
And you're too heart broken and scared to know if this hope is real or not.
But with no choice you open the door just a crack.
A crack, enough to shed some light in the darkness.
Enough to warm your skin and sooth playfully through to your heart.
Enough light, to make you crave for more.
So slowly, or for some desperately, you open the door all the way, one crack at a time until you no longer can.
And by that point your sunny day has now filled the room.
It once again plays through the empty room, dances through the dusty window, and bounces off every wall to echo its happiness through every crevasse of your no longer empty heart.
You're so warm
So protected
And so happy you feel like nothing in the world could possibly make you more joyful!
And in reality nothing can.
You found your happy day.
You lost your sorrowful one.
And never want it back again.
So you never look back, but you never regret that blasted sadness ever again.
All because you were brave enough to hold that trembling door handle and never let go until the door was never closed again.
All because you chose the light.
Never the darkness.
And you want to know a real secret?
That light is always there.
It will never leave you.
And never can.
