Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Man Named Death


December 10, 2013
Tuesday 
10:57PM

The pangs of the piano 
beat softly and subtly into the quiet chambers 
of her aching heart...

Her fingers danced along its slender keys and begged for refuge in its quiet melody.

Another day went by without him.
Another night alone in her big bed.
Another dreamless night of sulking nightmares and drenching feelings, all tucked secretly away in her small quiet music box. 

Scaly fingers trace the outline of the swirling letters written on scratchy paper, pillowing tears and words she'll never hear again.

Her head rests gently on the desk, but she's fast asleep for once tonight. 
No regrets will pillage her thoughts tonight; one night of real rest is finally granted.

She was never supposed to love him. 
He was never supposed to be her match. 

We all make mistakes sometimes, but mine costed me an eternity of regret. 

My name is Death and regret is not a feeling I have ever felt, until the night I took her lover in the cold. 

His name, I will not grant to you, seeing it is a name I now and eternally will fear and regret as long I dwell in life. 

Memories swam through the dark and quickly she remembered what the first time they met looked and felt like:
The snow was flurrying, the shops were glowing and somehow she found herself amidst a sea of strangers and unhappy faces unwilling to reach a hand to her. 
Tears were welling up, but did so in vain. 
A man, a tall and dark haired man, made his way towards her and offered out his hand. 

That was where I made my first mistake.
The cancer had just begun its work, but it wasn't moving fast enough to stop this meeting never destined to be.  

They talked and laughed and soon fell in love. 
Deep, deep love that could never be severed no matter how hard I tried. 

I took her mother, his father and a younger brother too, but still their love remained. 

His cancer soon grew stronger, but their love did just the same. 
They loved and loved and held to each other far tighter than I ever feared they would. 
The prayers she said couldn't be ignored either, but I tried to push them out. 

Her pleas. 
Her sobs. 
Her silent selflessness.
They all were building regrets. 

Finally, the night had come to take his soul, the man she'd grown to love far stronger than I'd ever seen before. 

He held her hand as tight as he could, but she held his much tighter. 

She tried to stop me. 

She begged and begged to stop this dreadful thing from coming and willed herself to gable. 

Between the streaming tears she cried, "Take me! Take me instead! A life without my love, even a life of eternity will be nothing to me now! Please...please..."

It was in that moment I took his soul, but it came much easier than I anticipated. 
He greeted with a smile for me and kiss for her and left as an unlikely friend. 

That was when the feeling came. 
The feeling I had messed things up. 
I tempered with life and now life would get back at me and this poor woman by forcing us to mourn for eternity until they were once again reunited. 

Her breathes were slowing now, as they always did when their hair spun silver and snow. 
Her hands clutched the music box he made for her many, many years ago and breathed its final melody of love and then without a moment hesitation, I took her soul at last. 

She came so easy, I barely breathed 'hello' and then she was off to her dear love awaiting her. 
They hugged and cried and smiled widely, making each other whole again. 

Suddenly, in that moment of reunion, a new and strange feeling awoke inside me for the first time. 
Another feeling these lovers had provoked. 

It felt...warm and friendly. 
A dreadful feeling to a man named Death, but strangely, I found it cleansing. 

This feeling made me new. 

I cried my first tears ever before,
Quickly walked away and never looked back again. 

(k.b.)

Thursday, December 5, 2013

What If I Deserved You?

December 5, 2013
9:46PM
Thursday


Something always brings me back to you.
I'm trapped inside your gravity, with no hope of escape.
Your eyes were never supposed to be beautiful.
I learned to love them unwillingly.
You held me closer than I ever dared imagine and somehow I did too.
I can't seem to let you go, but I tell myself I have to.
The flush, the fluster you caused inside me;
It's always a battle in my heart.
The question always haunting:
Do I want you?
Do I need you?
Your eyes, again, they pierce;
Cutting to my very soul.
There is no end to you.
Though I scarcely hope for things of you, then later curse myself in tears.
The tears were always for the weak;
Yet, here they come unceasingly.
 I never should have met you.
I wish the past was past.
If there was ever a moment I didn't think of you, I'd bravely take it back.
I never did deserve you, or so I had been told.
The worst of the pain was never from your heart, but from my own.
My walls were higher than a simple climb, yet you broke them down with gentle ease.
How I wish to kiss you, but then again--I don't.
I can't.
It would be agony to ever see your face again.
Or feel you hands around me.
Your smile is nothing but a weakness to me now.
I watch the snow in silence.
I pray to the one who will always listen.
The moon cries along with me, aching almost as much I do.
They say that love was for the happy;
Then why do I find myself in pain?
The mirror always haunts me.
The memories scar the walls.
Is this what real love is?
I refuse to ever know.
We all have White Demons we must face;
 I never thought mine would be in you.
From first glances to melting hearts, I pray to let you go.
If I could ever deserve you, I would.
The very thought of you sets my heart in a rage of broken shapes.
A melody of monotony is all thats settles in the end.
Why did you have to be so wonderful?
Without your warmth, I could be alone.
I would have nothing to get over or leave forgotten.
Deep inside my heart I know I'll always want you.
I don't want to;
But I will.
My strength is failing.
You're coming to me now.
If I could ever find the words, I'd say them loudly in your ear.
I'd smile to your eyes, withdraw the truth and leave without a tear.
But you smile, damaging my heavily laden armor to practically nothing.
You whisper words I never knew I ached to hear until I did.
You're song is all that I can hear inside my heart.
The tears begin to fall, more readily this time.
You keep my secrets all to die.
The promises you make:
To never hurt me.
Never leave me.
I try to push them out, but I know that they are true.
Why I try to hide, I'll never know.
My heart is not a toy.
My feelings are too fragile.
I portray the role of strength, but find I have none left.
My eyes now trace along the floor.
You lift my chin in breathless agony.
Those eyes--they pierce.
They melt and crush and curse and smile.
They laugh at my pain, yet cry inside my heart.
They'll always be a ghost to me.
They used to find me in my dreams.
Eyes that wanted me.
But now, I'm not so sure.
I was never sure of anything.
I never let myself be free.
Sweet freedom is all I want.
To find a way to love and not be angry.
To sleep and not be lonely.
To watch and disagree happily.
If I could let myself love you, I know I would be happy.
The truth is staring down my face.
It's you.
It was always you.
I let you in at long awaited last.
Sweet freedom is all I taste.
Your kiss, your lips;
 Your very soul.
You've made me free at last.

(k.b.)