December 5, 2013
9:46PM
Thursday
Something always brings me back to you.
I'm trapped inside your gravity, with no hope of escape.
Your eyes were never supposed to be beautiful.
I learned to love them unwillingly.
You held me closer than I ever dared imagine and somehow I did too.
I can't seem to let you go, but I tell myself I have to.
The flush, the fluster you caused inside me;
It's always a battle in my heart.
The question always haunting:
Do I want you?
Do I need you?
Your eyes, again, they pierce;
Cutting to my very soul.
There is no end to you.
Though I scarcely hope for things of you, then later curse myself in tears.
The tears were always for the weak;
Yet, here they come unceasingly.
I never should have met you.
I wish the past was past.
If there was ever a moment I didn't think of you, I'd bravely take it back.
I never did deserve you, or so I had been told.
The worst of the pain was never from your heart, but from my own.
My walls were higher than a simple climb, yet you broke them down with gentle ease.
How I wish to kiss you, but then again--I don't.
I can't.
It would be agony to ever see your face again.
Or feel you hands around me.
Your smile is nothing but a weakness to me now.
I watch the snow in silence.
I pray to the one who will always listen.
The moon cries along with me, aching almost as much I do.
They say that love was for the happy;
Then why do I find myself in pain?
The mirror always haunts me.
The memories scar the walls.
Is this what real love is?
I refuse to ever know.
We all have White Demons we must face;
I never thought mine would be in you.
From first glances to melting hearts, I pray to let you go.
If I could ever deserve you, I would.
The very thought of you sets my heart in a rage of broken shapes.
A melody of monotony is all thats settles in the end.
Why did you have to be so wonderful?
Without your warmth, I could be alone.
I would have nothing to get over or leave forgotten.
Deep inside my heart I know I'll always want you.
I don't want to;
But I will.
My strength is failing.
You're coming to me now.
If I could ever find the words, I'd say them loudly in your ear.
I'd smile to your eyes, withdraw the truth and leave without a tear.
But you smile, damaging my heavily laden armor to practically nothing.
You whisper words I never knew I ached to hear until I did.
You're song is all that I can hear inside my heart.
The tears begin to fall, more readily this time.
You keep my secrets all to die.
The promises you make:
To never hurt me.
Never leave me.
I try to push them out, but I know that they are true.
Why I try to hide, I'll never know.
My heart is not a toy.
My feelings are too fragile.
I portray the role of strength, but find I have none left.
My eyes now trace along the floor.
You lift my chin in breathless agony.
Those eyes--they pierce.
They melt and crush and curse and smile.
They laugh at my pain, yet cry inside my heart.
They'll always be a ghost to me.
They used to find me in my dreams.
Eyes that wanted me.
But now, I'm not so sure.
I was never sure of anything.
I never let myself be free.
Sweet freedom is all I want.
To find a way to love and not be angry.
To sleep and not be lonely.
To watch and disagree happily.
If I could let myself love you, I know I would be happy.
The truth is staring down my face.
It's you.
It was always you.
I let you in at long awaited last.
Sweet freedom is all I taste.
Your kiss, your lips;
Your very soul.
You've made me free at last.
(k.b.)
