It's a watery grave in those eyes of yours

"All I ever really wanted was to be lost in the vastness of your hug. All my heart ever ached for was a warm, tight, squishy, normal embrace with you. The kind that you get lost in, but at the same time you feel found. I just wanted to be loved by you and I never thought that was an extraordinary dream." Silence is all that follows. Soft, sad silence swirling in the space between the two of us.
"It's funny, really, that I even cared at all as much as I could, for as long as I did. You'd think after so long of being lonely in your company I would just let go. Move on. Forget about it. But I'm not like that. I don't easily forget people. I don't let go when the kite still flies high and beautiful in the wind of my mind. I don't just 'move on' the way you always have. You know why? Despite all my flaws and faults and issues--I care. I care more than most humans care for all the 'little things' because they aren't little to me. They are the big things to me. You are the biggest thing to me that I've ever had and you never even realized how special that is. You don't get it." The next few words were heavy for me, difficult to release, but they were essential and that is why they followed.
"I love you. This isn't some dumb crush or fickle fantasy. I really, really love you. But I have to be fair to myself. After so long of loving something that may not even be a possibility, I'm going to free myself and be kind to myself and know that letting you go may be the best thing I've done for myself since meeting you." Tears stained my cheeks as the final birds began to fly from my heaving chest.
"Gosh, I love you, you dummy. I love you so much and I don't think you'll ever understand why or how much and that breaks my heart.
You have no clue."