"The gears won't turn and the leaves won't grow."
I didn't want us to be those people that love each other for one measly moment and then after time slips through us, through our veins and our bodies, we forget the sound of each other's names rolling off our lips sweetly. We forget how much our love was once so strong and beautiful and happy.
I didn't want to forget how kind and extraordinary you once were and I didn't want to stop my wanting and my pacing and my loving. I didn't want to be disgusted or repelled by every last thing attached to you and your soul that was once so bright and beautiful.
But I've been waiting all my life to feel a heart keeping time just as mine does. I've been waiting all my life to feel alive by someone else, that feeling that makes you stay alive and know the dawn is coming and I can open my eyes, and know I'm going to be okay. I've been waiting all my life to be loved too.
I didn't want us to be strangers, but it's what we are. We are strangers to a love that has been dead for years, even though we've only known each other for shorter time than that.
You seemed like such an eminent, innocent, marvelously distressed idea to me, years ago. But now I see you are nothing of the kind. You are empty of love for me along with many things and I am sorry that it ended the way it has.
But as it's always said when things like this happen--
c'est la vie.
That's life, my friend.
And it keeps going.
You do whatever just to stay alive, sometimes.
And sometimes, you stay alive because you want to.
Never forget that both ways are important, but one, one day, will set you free. If you let it.
"[There] is a truth and it's on our side. Dawn is coming open your eyes. Look into the sun as the new days rise."
Dawn is coming, they say, open your eyes.
-k.p.
March 23, 2017
