I felt you sit next to me you're body's warmth suddenly beckoning my own and it was strange the sudden rush that came with you rustling like autumn leaves within me, rustling against my pale bones.
You were there and it was lovely and terrifying all at once. I could feel you watching me, only tossing guesses at the pond of my mind as to what you were thinking. Then it came--the pounding. The rush. Your smell. Your eyes I had not dared to look at yet. The time. It all came rushing back, like the smell of something hidden, something unnamed from your childhood; how you reeked of nostalgia. Reeked. But I loved it. The rush within me traveling through my veins, invading every thought with you. I remembered everything it seemed like.
But then I didn't love it. Something shifted and the pounding in my neck and wrists turned to my heart that suddenly beat like a deep and wild drum. In a different rush, I became delirious, half mad from wanting you so close, close enough to hear the deepness in your voice and feel it, and somehow not wanting you in sight at all. Not your smell. Your eyes. Your smile. You terrified me. In one rush, one invasion of my heart, my senses were overrun by the sudden presence your body and soul brought and it was unsettling and maddening and all too much. Swiftly I began to come undone. The strings around me pulled loose.
With a bound of nervous energy I took flight to the bathroom and only there conversed with myself as to how I must win this psychotic battle within me. How I must surpass the person surpassing my wild heart. But how must I do it? How? I yelled in my heart. I stared at the flames in my eyes like they were handsome demons. But goodness, what had come over me? Did I have no shame? No. I had only bravery left. With a thorough washing of my hands and the gentle cool the chilled water left with me, I came back, I sat down and I said, "Hello."
And I was free.
-k.p.
Written for Sunday 19th, 2016
