I've decided something.
For the past weeks I've felt such an immensity of sadness it has been choking me from the rib-cage up and seemingly suffocating every other short lived feeling opposite of it. Tears have ceased to flow heavily almost drowning me in toxic emotions and habits of mind. I've allowed myself to fall into a pit of passionate sorrow and though there is always a small window for that to occur and have it be appropriate, that window has not occurred and I've learned from my addictive sadness there is always something more inspiring than sadness (even if sadness has immense inspiration as well, which I know to also be true) and it is it's opposite.
Happiness is what's worth fighting for. Joy, elation, euphoria, jonquils, jocunds, ecstasy, serendipity, jollity, contentment, peace, joviality, delight, glee, "evangelical zeal", felicity, merriment, optimism, enchantment.
As I've said before and I shall say thousands of times before my spirit leaves this earth to some better and happier place than the happy place I already inhabit now, "I refuse to live this life with nothing but love" and so I've decided something:
I am going to be happy. I am making the choice that will change my pattern of thinking, change my habit of heart, and change this enchanting world around me thrilled with the magical presence of life and love coexisting together.
I hope you don't mind that I've decided that happiness, no matter what people think, is more beautiful than any kind or form of sadness. Sorrow has beauty that is undeniable, but happiness, joy, those have a beauty that is inexhaustible, kind and gentle--feelings that cannot do anything but lift you, caress and heal you. Happiness is never poisonous or selfish or uncaring or destructive. Happiness motivates good thoughts, turns you toward higher feelings and actions of heart and spirit. Happiness is what people commonly confuse with lust or passion or desire. Happiness isn't really any of those things (except maybe passion in its innocent form) it is selfless and pure and infinitely heavenly. I know that I have made deep mistakes by allowing my passion to corrupt the idea of emotions that are good for me, but I am telling you as vociferously as I am telling myself now that I am turning my eyes back to my Heavenly Father because He and He alone is my Father in Heaven and He knows what happiness will transform my heart into gold and what shadows of happiness will transverberate it into sorrow and depression of emotion and loneliness.
I have always told myself that "I know what it is to be lonely, therefore I know what it is to be loved." Though I thoroughly believe those words have truth to them, as a lonely heart may be more receptive to love once it has found it, but if you let those feelings of loneliness consume you they will carefully erode feelings of gratitude and warp ideas of love with desire and lust and attraction. I am telling you now, who ever you are dreamer of this enchanting world's dreams, if you are searching for love as devotedly and unyielding as I am than do yourself one favor--remember how important it is to be happy now as you are searching and finding all kinds of love here.
You are very much alive now.
Remember that, as Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore said it best, "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."
You control the light in your life; you hold in your hands now the flame of infinite love that you can either pass to others its warmth and inspiration and kindness, or you can blow out and let the melted wick wither and die like the feelings of depression and deep rooted sorrow.
Which will you allow to fill this wondrous and ravishing world you are inseparably apart of?
I have decided. I know which way my body and soul falls.
But the question is as imperative to me as it is to you because it isn't me asking it--it is God. It is life. It is love. It is whatever calls your name as beautiful as you hear it. Have you decided?
