Human

"I'm not depressed." I say.
"I kept my light on when I sleep so I don't see my shadows look so still.
I read the same book because I find something new I love everytime.
I curl up within myself on the tramp because it's cold outside.
I look at the stars to feel less alone. To think.
I drink hot tea to keep me warm.
I cry to feel alive.
The headphones stay on because they hold me together.
They keep me human.
They understand.
There's so much shit I wish I knew but I don't.
I just don't know a whole lot.
I pray and I pray and I still feel alone a lot, even when I'm not.
I cry. I curl up within myself alone outside not because I'm depressed or need pills.
Because I miss you.
I damn wish you were here and I can't take the hole I feel sometimes instead of feeling you next to me. I take that I miss you and there seems to be nothing I can do about it.
I want pink skies. I want to sleep. I want to feel alive without me missing you.
So. You think I'm sad? No.
I'm just alone.
I'm just alone and thinking."
And then they're quiet.
And I keep staring up at the stars who are louder than they'll ever be.
Still missing everything about you--
even the messy bits.
-k.p.