"You're gonna be okay kid. You're gonna be okay."

There's so much blockage of emotions right now my heart can't seem to take it.
There's a grey wall and I'm trying to jump it.
Try and try and still it's hurts like hell every time when I can't make it. I can't make the jump.
Cry and cry and suddenly I'm all alone again wishing so fiercely I wasn't. The wall simply gets bigger.
Look.
I want stars where there are bruises and kisses where I breathe.
I feel myself letting go of everything and the only thing left I see is me reaching for you.
Reaching.
Never touching.
Always arriving at an almost.
Ugh.
Sheesh.
Wow.
I surprise myself because I just want to kiss you and brush my fingers across your cheek like I would if I were brave enough to tell you I love you, like I would if I were brave enough to sit alone with you in your car and run my hands through your hair and up your chest to where your beating heart is.
But I'm stained.
My thoughts are scarlet on my hands and I don't know what to think.
Somehow I always end up thinking about you and never fixing me.
Well, damn.
What now?
What do I do when all I want is you and not me? What can you do when your hands reach for something white while they're red and wet and dripping all over?
Nothing.
But wish.
And wait.
But I'll be okay. I always am.