It's a bit insane, this freedom within me of no longer feeling chained to you. I feel as though the earth is singing a song once more and the flowers will be coming soon and tomorrow will be a cloudy morning ready for books to be read and hot cocoa and warm blueberry muffins with melting butter sliding of its soft gorgeous smile. I am truly euphorically happy! I was happy when you sat beside me, whilst I read a book, and I didn't mind when you walked away. I was happy when you talked to me and almost listened, but I didn't mind at all when I felt awkward or stumbling for words. I am happy because I don't care anymore! I care about you kid, I always will. That's what friends do. They make ropes they hardly untie without an unmitigated reason. But I am free. What a feeling that is. I sink in the warm bath of peace and contentment and elation and it makes me feel as alive as I did when my heart broke over you.
When I think about those lonely nights of crying myself into stained cheeks, laying between my bed and my bookshelf, with a box of junk that means so much to me spilling out around me; when I remember how angry I was--oh the rage that shook from my pouring tears and I watched you drive away and saw that awful look in your eyes and so much more I could hardly explain--it almost seems unfair how much I felt knowing you will never know any of it. Not from me. Not about me. Never. But it truly doesn't matter anymore.
I'm happy.
That's what matters.
I feel more happy than I have in quite sometime (or what feels like a short lifetime ago). That's what makes me skip all the way to my sister's bed tonight ("the magic carpet") and dance alone in the kitchen eating pizza and feeling more alive than ever!
It's moments like this I remember why I am alive.
(It's breaking your heart that you're reminded you are alive).
Some happy songs I listened to today:
"Could You Be Loved" by: Bob Marely
"Come and Get Your Love" by: Redbone
"Love Never Felt So Good" by: Michael Jackson (ft. Justin Timberlake)
"Come on Eileen" by: Dexys Midnight Runners
"Hustle" by: Van McCoy
"Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by: Rupert Holmes
